Did you say "Country-Fried Steak"? I thought you said "Country-Fried DISASTER"!

I wasn't even sure if I was gonna post about this seriously lame fail of a recipe. But, i gotta have 100% transparency on here so that means you'll see the good, the bad and the TERRIBLE. This one goes down in the history books as just horrific.

Where to begin? Should I start with the smoke detector going off and making the dog and I run in circles like crazy zombies? Or maybe the perfectly good steaks that I burned so bad that the meat began to morph shapes and kinda looked like a cup made out of meat? Hmmm...

I'll start at the beginning I guess. Had 5 skillet steaks, wanted to do something new with them and there was a recipe for "country fried steak" on the packaging. I had all of the ingredients in my pantry and fridge so I was like "Yeeeehaw!!! Let's do this country thang!"

So it started off easy enough. Dipped each steak in the egg, then put it in the bread crumbs. It was just like doing fried chicken, which I used to make in my little deep fryer back when I thought having a deep fryer was a healthy life choice. Anyways, so I get 'em all dipped and battered and my skillet's got hot oil in it.

I drop the 1st two steaks in and let them cook for a couple minutes as per my directions. Well, apparently my heat was too high so I burned one side and kinda under cooked the other. And I had too much oil in the skillet. So the next two, i turned the head down a smidgen and put less oil in. Well this was just as bad because they weren't really cooking at all and they were just dry and crumbly since there wasn't hardly and friggin oil in the skillet. So I rectify the situation, only to burn the shizz outta these steaks too!. They actually curled up and looked like upside down bowls made of meat. I was alone in my apartment and still felt utterly embarrassed!

So I had one steak left and I tried one more time to get this thing right. Well it actually got nice and brown on the 1st side and I turned it and I managed not to burn that side either! "YES!!! VICTORY IS MIN--" I was cut off my the blaring of my smoke detector. I swung around in fright and found that, while I'd been entranced in my steak-ruining process, my entire apartment was gray and hazy with smoke!!! So I freaked out and started running in circles. Yes, just running in circles, waving a dish cloth around in the air. Like a lunatic. At this point the dog is also running in circles, barking like a rabid maniac. I finally get some common sense and open the patio door, turn on the ceiling fan and wave my cloth in front of the detector to get it to shut up.

Then I turned back around to see that all my steaks were sitting in little puddles of what looked like blood. "Oh yeah....I forgot that I should make sure they're cooked through...."

The recipe called for cooking some diced tomatoes in the skillet and topping each steak with some and sprinkling Parmesan on top so I did that. 5 minutes later I sit down to a plate of country friend nightmare meat, garden veggie rice and garlic bread. I cut into my steak and see the most uneven cooked piece of meat I've ever had the displeasure of seeing. In places it was well done; others, medium; in most places, medium-rare. I ate it anyway(hell, i bought the meat I wasn't gonna waste it!). It was terrible. Just terrible. And 25 minutes later I ran to the bathroom. I'll spare you the details.

Needless to say, I won't ever try to country fry ANYTHING for a long, long, LONG time.
OVERALL RATING FOR THIS RECIPE: TERRIBLE!